HORRORS! President Obama May Turn Our Children Into Socialist Robots!

In case you haven't heard, President Obama is going to brainwash all school age children in the United States on Tuesday, September 8, 2009. If you want to protect those children from being programmed by a socialist (a black socialist at that -- the absolute worst kind), you better figure out how to block out the internet, all satellites, C-Span and all other possible forms of modern communication technology for at least 30 minutes beginning at noon on Tuesday. Maybe the right-wing wackos will be able to develop a gigantic lead shield around the White House to block all communications.

Paranoid parents across the nation are freaking out because the President of the United States is planning on delivering a message to their children that going to and staying in school is a good thing and that studying hard, making good grades and learning will actually improve those kids' futures and lives. In my part of the country, one parent has demanded that all school districts refuse to show the President's speech at all and, if they do show it, someone should be given the opportunity to present an opposing view to that espoused by President Obama. Who should that be? Let's see, we could choose from Rush, Sean, Glenn, Sarah, Mitch, or Newt. Or we could give Bobby Jindal another chance to show his stuff. Which one could most persuasively make the opposing pitch? Staying in school is bad -- dropping out is much better. Studying is a waste of time. Good grades are worthless -- straight F's on that report card will land you a good job. Learning is bad for you -- especially science. Come to think of it, anyone of that crowd could deliver this message and already has.

It is interesting to me that we have not heard a single school kid express the view that President Obama should not be talking to them or that they don't want to hear what he has to say. That's probably because most kids believe they can survive listening to another 10-15 minute speech about school without being transformed into a socialist (or, even worse, a liberal or a Democrat or an Obama supporter). I feel sorry for these parents who have done such a lousy job raising their kids that their life's work as a parent can be undone by watching a speech on television or the computer. I can't help but believe that a good bit of this is still about those intolerant folks out there who are still upset about having a black man for President and, heaven forbid, maybe even as a role model for their kids.

Well, in case any of those parents lock their children up at home and keep them away from school or are otherwise successful in keeping their kids from hearing the President's message next Tuesday, they can always watch it or download it from "Nailing Jello". Here it is for posterity.

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By the way, here are nationwide speeches to all students from President Ronald Reagan and President George H. W. Bush: